I am a horrible mother today.

To my kids. 

I am sorry I yelled at you today when you were laughing when I was trying to rest. I know you were only having fun and playing with one another. 

I am sorry I threw your toy across the room when you tried to show me what you made. 

I am sorry that I pushed you out of the kitchen when you only wanted to help make lunch.

Madison I am sorry I yelled at you when you painted  your toes and fingers and your baby brothers shirt and your legs. You had asked me to paint your toes but I told  you later and made you go in the other room. I know you just wanted my attention.

I am sorry I scolded you for waking up the babies. I know you only wanted them to play with you because you love them so much. 

I am sorry I spent too much time on the computer instead of playing with you. 

I just wanted to watch my show. I just wanted to rest. I just wanted to be left alone for 10 minutes. I just want to use the toilet in peace. I want to be able to brush my teeth without an audience. 

I now know that you just want to be near me and with me all the time. 

I should be more like  you. I should want to be with my family all the time. I should want to share everything with you. 

Tonight, let's start over. Let's laugh and giggle. Let's make messes. Let's make dinner together. Let's wrestle and make forts. Let's build spaceships with legos and fly them through the air. Let's watch what you want to watch instead of what I want. 

You are my pride and joy and I need to treat you like that. You deserve the best mom. You deserve the mom that  you picked. 

So this is for Jackson and Madison, thank you for loving me even though I am not nice all the time. Thank you for being an example to me. I hope to finally be the example to you.