I am a bully.

I have been having this battle with myself for some time now and it took over my thought process and idea of time that I completely spaced enrolling my son for the 2013-2014 school year. So now here we are already through January and I have finally got my butt in gear and will be putting him in a school for the remainder of the year.

Let's rewind.

Last summer I knew that I needed to enroll my son in some sort of school program. He is a late baby so he wasn't going to Kindergarten this year. I kept telling myself we have a full year before he starts school, I can teach him myself. Um...no I can't. We signed up for some online sites, got books and supplies and I had every intention of sitting down with him every day and having our own preschool. WRONG! That did not happen.

I learned that I am not cut out to teach.

I can use every excuse like I have 4 kids, or I'm so busy, or I am so tired, or the babies require all my attention or my 3 year old wants to be a part of it too or blah, blah, blah. Truth is I am not a patient person and probably lazy.

I would get so angry when he would get the alphabet wrong when in fact he had it correct the previous day. I hated the fact that he didn't want to write his name, or practice coloring in the lines.  I get frustrated easily and it was tearing our relationship apart. I found myself saying things to him that I swore I would NEVER say to my children. I turned into something that I NEVER wanted to turn into. A BULLY! I was bullying my own child. I was a monster. I would make him feel bad for not "getting" it on his first try. I in turn, made it impossible for my child to want to learn. I ruined it and him.

I had my wake up call when I saw another mommy post a video on Instagram of her 4 year old (1 year younger than my son) reading. READING. What kind of mother am I that my 5 year old doesn't know how to read? I immediately picked up my phone, looked up some numbers and made some calls. I found HEADSTART, they are still taking students for another 2 weeks. Holy Crap, I just made it. They got me in almost immediately and he should be starting within the next week or two. I just cried. I didn't know what to say or do for the next 10 minutes. I was so thrilled for my son to get this opportunity. Not only is he going to gain some knowledge and love of learning, he gets to experience it without me and on his own. He gets to make friends. He gets to be social away from his Momma. I cannot be more excited for him.

This will be a break for me to spend some time with the other kids and what a joy it will be to pick him up every day and hear all the great stories he will have for me.

This bully will be no more.

Back from hiatus

I am back and the holidays are over. I will be up and running in the next few days. Until then, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. 2014 is going to be the year of all years!